I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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