are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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