Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
