Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
