I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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