Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The struggles of a small town man whore
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
