Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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