we're chasing vodka with high fives
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
