Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
