Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
