i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
