I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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