you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
