just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
