Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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