I got chris browned last night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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