she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
