My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
