Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
