Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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