i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
