i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
