Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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