You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
