Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
