I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
