You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
