are you so shy because you have an std?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
