I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
