Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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