Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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