I wish I could punch you in the face.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
