dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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