I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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