If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
