before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
