shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
