The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He better not be in your backpack
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize
