Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The uberlube is also flammable
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
