Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
