Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
