So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
