I could have mohawked her pubes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
