oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
