Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
