The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
