You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
