You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
