when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
