he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
