If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
