This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
